Way to put me in my place....

Have you ever spent some time feeling sorry for yourself, and then someone says something to you, or your read something that makes you step back and think, 'I don't have it so bad after all'? One of my friends sent me the link to this blog over the weekend and I haven't been able to stop reading it this morning. If you want to cry, laugh, and be inspired, read typical guy, atypical situation.

Ever just feel sorry for yourself?

I'm feeling somewhat restless, and I don't know why. Maybe it's because it's Friday, maybe it's because it's raining outside, maybe it's because summer is almost over....I don't know. I don't like this feeling, though. Not that it's terrible, but I rather enjoy my usual state of equilibrium.

I've spent a lot of time this week thinking about how different my life is from even a few months ago. New job, new apartment, and hopefully, at some point, new friends. Until this week, the fact that my core group of local friends in Baltimore has been dismantled hadn't quite hit me. Even now, I don't think the full weight of it has settled in. Since we're all in education, I'm used to the summer months being somewhat discombobluated (yes, that's spelled correctly--I checked) in terms of a regular schedule. I'm expecting the full realization to come when I move out of the house I'm staying in while I house/pet-sit and into my new apartment and settle into a 'regular' routine--one without my friends. I think this week I've felt a little bit of it, though.

In general, I think I'm quite comfortable with spending time alone. I think those of us who live by ourselves inevitably learn how to be comfortable spending time by ourselves. What else can you do when you're at home on a night when everyone's busy with random things? It's something I used to have a problem with--the thought of sitting at home on a Friday or Saturday night and 'missing out' on whatever might happen, would give me a slight anxiety attack, because what kind of a person sits at home alone? It turns out, that's not such a bad thing and I'm happy that I've come to the point where, if I've had a long week and I'm just beat, I can say no to whatever social invitations I'm offered and be perfectly happy parking my behind on my couch with a movie, going to bed early, or even studying; things I would have never been caught dead doing on a Friday night 5 years ago.

There is, however, such thing as too much time alone, and I'm beginning to feel that. Let me first say that I love the boyfriend dearly, and I love the time we spend together, but I miss my girls. I miss going to dinner with them, I miss going to the movies with them, I miss getting drinks with them, I miss just hanging out with them. Girlfriends are a necessary part of my life, and as the summer draws to a close, I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that my increased time alone is not just a result of summer vacation, and end-of-summer reunions won't be happending this year. Sigh.

I've never been good with big changes, but fortunately I've been through enough of them to know I'll survive. In reality, I probably have the least amount of change of any of us as I didn't relocate to an entirely new city, I still have friends nearby, and, of course, the wonderful boyfriend. For now, though, I'll allow myself to wallow for a bit before sucking it up and moving on.:) Have a good weekend!

I'm a girl, and sometimes I act like it. So sue me....

I've noticed something. Every time I need to vent about something that I'm most likely overreacting about, I can't get in touch with anyone. In my moment(s) of most likely unnecessary, yet high drama, not one solitary person will answer their phone, leaving me to stew and obsessively think about the issue on my own. Today I realized that when this happens, when I frantically dial at least 4 or maybe even 5 people in a row (ok, ok, sometimes it's even 6 or 7--geez, stop with the pressure!) and leave a message for every single one of them, it is a sign; a clear sign that I need to a.) recognize that whatever I'm flipping out about is probably not that big of a deal, b.) remember I am actually capable of handling these moments on my own, and c.) figure out why whatever it is is such a big deal to me in the first place.

It's not that I want to minimize whatever the situation is, but I have been known to be, shall we say, a tad over-sensitive to things. I think for a very long time I was so embarrassed by my over-sensitivity that I tried not to react to anything and instead would turn it inward until it built up and exploded over something stupid. And then I'd be embarrassed and play it back over and over and over again, feeling like a dumbass every time I thought about it. I credit my former job in a Baltimore City Public high school with helping me develop a thicker skin (there's nothing like hearing little 9th graders you don't know call you a stupid b*#h on a fairly regular basis to add some extra padding to your ego. This is also where I usually feel the need to overexplain that the vast majority of students I actually worked with were not the swearing offenders and those comments were usually directed at me as I was asking them to show a hall pass or, heaven forbid, get to class.)

Anyway, back to my topic. It's hard for me, sometimes, to tell the difference between what's a justifiable reaction and what's just plain not worth getting upset about. You'd think this would be easy, but noooo my friends, sometimes it's just not that clear cut. Sure, I know that if someone cuts me off in traffic, for example, it's not worth getting my panties in a twist about it (althought it is acceptable to mutter some kind of obscenity--I consider that an act of catharsis), but if someone isn't looking and nearly runs me off the road, some kind of raise in blood pressure, horn honking, and screaming are definitely in order. I get that kind of thing. It's the things that involve the heart that get me all confused. And I admit it, I don't always trust my instincts--I'm not sure they're that great, really.

So I've begun to notice that when it's something important, something that truly matters, someone will pick up the phone when I call and be there to listen as I vent. But when it's something closer to the surface, when it's either me being a paranoid freak or an over-emotional mess merely in need of a release, or just plain petty or immature, no one picks up. I swear it's some kind of meeting of the fates telling me I need to shut up with the whining and remember the bigger picture. Today I did freak out, just a little, and I called, and left messages. And the more I thought about it (as I sat in snail-paced rush hour traffic), the more I understood that while my initial reason for being upset was important and justified, it was also part of a bigger puzzle and instead of seeing the whole puzzle, I was only isolating one piece, and isolating that one piece, threw the whole thing out of whack. Ah, yes, it's not easy being this brilliant! :)
Ciao!

I'm in favor of adpoting European vacation policies....

I know I've been MIA and that's because I took last week off. That's right, I took some vacation time and it was well-deserved, dammit! What did I do? Nothing. No, really, I didn't do anything. Not anything grand or vacation-like, anyway. I slept in, hung out with the boyfriend and the animals I'm pet-sitting, read a little, went out to eat a lot, took care of some things I haven't had time to take care of (i.e. parking tickets that were holding up my tag renewal), and generally tried not to do or think about anything too stressful. While I thoroughly enjoyed my week off, I've decided (as I do every year) that the US is entirely too stuck on working as much as possible. I vote, again, that we adopt Europe's vacation policy. We should all get 30+ vacation days a year (no, this will not count sick and/or personal days) and we should be required to take every single day. I'm totally serious about this. I'm lucky in that for the past 4 years and even now in my new job, I have some built-in vacation weeks (Christmas break, spring break), but even with those I would go crazy without additional vacation days (preferably several in a row) to rest and relax. And you won't find me with extra days at the end of the fiscal year. Uh-uh, I take them ALL. Someone once told me that was because I'm not as driven or motivated as those who don't take vacation days, but I strongly disagree with that. I don't hate working, and I take quite a bit of pride in the work I do, and I work hard, but I also fully believe that one's life should not revolve around work, and if I want to take time to do other things I enjoy or to be with people who are important to me, I'll do it without a second thought. That is my rant for today.

I had two encounters to note about last week:

#1: I don't know what happened to the mean and nasty parking fine employees I usually run into, but my payment experiences at both the MD Transit Administration and the Baltimore City parking offices were so pleasant, I started to wonder if I had entered a parallel parking fine universe. Usually I have to brace myself for downright rude people who tend to curse and flame at you no matter what you say. It's true I have a low tolerance for this kind of thing, but I always try to go in with a positive attitude. Never have I had such kind, courteous people helping me. I left both of those places in an even better mood than when I went in. Amazing.

#2: Actually, I decided not to get into #2, because it's after 6:00 and I need to go brave rush hour traffic and head home. Happy Monday!

If only I were more of a rebel...

I'm so bored. So. very. bored. My boss is not in the office this week, and I am all by my lonesome with very little (almost none, really) work to do. I realize most people would find this quite blissful, but I just find it boring. Maybe it's worse because my actual office doesn't have any windows. Either way, I am learning that I am a happier member of productive society when I have something to do. I think tomorrow I will bring in one of my summer reading books and just go to town with it. Someone has already reprimanded me for not reading the new Harry Potter, so maybe I'll pick up a copy tonight and start that.

At the moment, I am working up the nerve to play hookey (sp?) for the rest of the day. Not that this would normally be an issue, but I've been on the job for less than a month, so I'm having some issues with feeling guilty about leaving. Then again, there isn't anything I'd be missing out on here.

I've spent the last 2 days doing a lot of Internet browsing. I have to say that I had no idea there were SO MANY PEOPLE with weblogs (blogs, web logs, whatever these things are called). Some of them are actually pretty interesting and funny. I don't know why I find it so fascinating, and I admit that I get bored with it fairly quickly. Not that spending hours playing Panda Golf is any better. I blame I for sending me the link yesterday.

I've thoroughly enjoyed spending some time with the boyfriend this week. Monday night we spent a few hours at an all-you-can-eat crab house. After such a long heatwave, it was such a relief to be able to sit outside by the water without losing my body weight in sweat. Would you believe that this was also the first time I'd eaten MD crabs? The boyfriend and his family have a background in selling MD crabs, so I had the benefit of a crab connoisseur's advice on how to eat them. Contrary to popular belief, it is not necessary to use the mallets as often as one would think. I used it once, I think. I used to be a little skeeved out at the idea of eating something that still resembles its original, living, breathing self, but it's not so bad. And I'm a fan of the old bay and vinegar!

Ok, enough of this rambling. I think I will cut out early--life's too short to spend it wasting away in an empty office with nothing to do.

Hear ye, Hear ye....

By request, from this day forward, when I speak (or write, rather) about my boyfriend in this blog, he will now be referred to as "the boyfriend" (however, I will probably not put it in quotes).

Now that that's taken care of, let's move on. THE BOYFRIEND finished his bread truck route this weekend. I, for one, am selfishly happy about it. I've missed my awake and alert significant other (ironically, though, he's probably sleeping as I type. I figure it'll take him a day or two or ten to catch up on all of the sleep he missed during the month of July).

I went into this past weekend thinking I'd have a good amount of time to relax and lounge around, but I was very wrong. I went to a very boring baseball game on Friday night (I really thought the O's would be better this year. How sad.)and I ended up taking the dog to the vet on Sat. morning--the verdict is still out on whether she has an allergy or infection issue, and spent some time cleaning up the fur in the house I'm taking care of this summer. If you're not sure how much fur 3 animals can shed (1 dog, 2 cats), let me enlighten you: A LOT.

I rushed to a work engagement in Baltimore, then I rushed to a bridal shower in Silver Spring. One of my friends from high school is getting married in October. Can I state for the record how ecstatic I was that there were no games at this shower? To all of my friends who have had bridal showers with games, I apologize if you're offended, but if you want to know the truth, I don't really enjoy them. I'm sure that sounds petty and immature, and it probably is. But I still don't like them. Note to my mother and sisters: no games at my future (waaaaay in the future) bridal shower. Glad that's settled.

That night I drove back to Baltimore to take the dog on an extra-long walk. After a few weeks of oppresive heat, it was finally a gorgeous night--perfect weather for walking around by the harbor. I even sat on one of the docks for a while thinking, contemplating and reflecting--all of those 'sit by the water' type things. It was nice.

Sunday I helped the boyfriend move. I didn't really mind his old place, but this new house is absolutely incredible. I'll admit I'm even a little envious of it. It's a huge 3-story townhouse with lots of windows (I love places that allow a lot of sunlight in), a deck, and just a lot of SPACE. I hope he and his roommates throw a big housewarming party on the deck.:)

So there you have it, my weekend. Pretty exciting, right? I talked to my student I wrote about last week very briefly this weekend. She and her mother are staying with friends in another part of Baltimore. I was happy to hear that. I was also happy to hear the city is actually shutting down her apartment complex and relocating everyone. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that they end up in a nicer place. Ciao!