Ever just feel sorry for yourself?

I'm feeling somewhat restless, and I don't know why. Maybe it's because it's Friday, maybe it's because it's raining outside, maybe it's because summer is almost over....I don't know. I don't like this feeling, though. Not that it's terrible, but I rather enjoy my usual state of equilibrium.

I've spent a lot of time this week thinking about how different my life is from even a few months ago. New job, new apartment, and hopefully, at some point, new friends. Until this week, the fact that my core group of local friends in Baltimore has been dismantled hadn't quite hit me. Even now, I don't think the full weight of it has settled in. Since we're all in education, I'm used to the summer months being somewhat discombobluated (yes, that's spelled correctly--I checked) in terms of a regular schedule. I'm expecting the full realization to come when I move out of the house I'm staying in while I house/pet-sit and into my new apartment and settle into a 'regular' routine--one without my friends. I think this week I've felt a little bit of it, though.

In general, I think I'm quite comfortable with spending time alone. I think those of us who live by ourselves inevitably learn how to be comfortable spending time by ourselves. What else can you do when you're at home on a night when everyone's busy with random things? It's something I used to have a problem with--the thought of sitting at home on a Friday or Saturday night and 'missing out' on whatever might happen, would give me a slight anxiety attack, because what kind of a person sits at home alone? It turns out, that's not such a bad thing and I'm happy that I've come to the point where, if I've had a long week and I'm just beat, I can say no to whatever social invitations I'm offered and be perfectly happy parking my behind on my couch with a movie, going to bed early, or even studying; things I would have never been caught dead doing on a Friday night 5 years ago.

There is, however, such thing as too much time alone, and I'm beginning to feel that. Let me first say that I love the boyfriend dearly, and I love the time we spend together, but I miss my girls. I miss going to dinner with them, I miss going to the movies with them, I miss getting drinks with them, I miss just hanging out with them. Girlfriends are a necessary part of my life, and as the summer draws to a close, I'm starting to come to terms with the fact that my increased time alone is not just a result of summer vacation, and end-of-summer reunions won't be happending this year. Sigh.

I've never been good with big changes, but fortunately I've been through enough of them to know I'll survive. In reality, I probably have the least amount of change of any of us as I didn't relocate to an entirely new city, I still have friends nearby, and, of course, the wonderful boyfriend. For now, though, I'll allow myself to wallow for a bit before sucking it up and moving on.:) Have a good weekend!