I'm a girl, and sometimes I act like it. So sue me....

I've noticed something. Every time I need to vent about something that I'm most likely overreacting about, I can't get in touch with anyone. In my moment(s) of most likely unnecessary, yet high drama, not one solitary person will answer their phone, leaving me to stew and obsessively think about the issue on my own. Today I realized that when this happens, when I frantically dial at least 4 or maybe even 5 people in a row (ok, ok, sometimes it's even 6 or 7--geez, stop with the pressure!) and leave a message for every single one of them, it is a sign; a clear sign that I need to a.) recognize that whatever I'm flipping out about is probably not that big of a deal, b.) remember I am actually capable of handling these moments on my own, and c.) figure out why whatever it is is such a big deal to me in the first place.

It's not that I want to minimize whatever the situation is, but I have been known to be, shall we say, a tad over-sensitive to things. I think for a very long time I was so embarrassed by my over-sensitivity that I tried not to react to anything and instead would turn it inward until it built up and exploded over something stupid. And then I'd be embarrassed and play it back over and over and over again, feeling like a dumbass every time I thought about it. I credit my former job in a Baltimore City Public high school with helping me develop a thicker skin (there's nothing like hearing little 9th graders you don't know call you a stupid b*#h on a fairly regular basis to add some extra padding to your ego. This is also where I usually feel the need to overexplain that the vast majority of students I actually worked with were not the swearing offenders and those comments were usually directed at me as I was asking them to show a hall pass or, heaven forbid, get to class.)

Anyway, back to my topic. It's hard for me, sometimes, to tell the difference between what's a justifiable reaction and what's just plain not worth getting upset about. You'd think this would be easy, but noooo my friends, sometimes it's just not that clear cut. Sure, I know that if someone cuts me off in traffic, for example, it's not worth getting my panties in a twist about it (althought it is acceptable to mutter some kind of obscenity--I consider that an act of catharsis), but if someone isn't looking and nearly runs me off the road, some kind of raise in blood pressure, horn honking, and screaming are definitely in order. I get that kind of thing. It's the things that involve the heart that get me all confused. And I admit it, I don't always trust my instincts--I'm not sure they're that great, really.

So I've begun to notice that when it's something important, something that truly matters, someone will pick up the phone when I call and be there to listen as I vent. But when it's something closer to the surface, when it's either me being a paranoid freak or an over-emotional mess merely in need of a release, or just plain petty or immature, no one picks up. I swear it's some kind of meeting of the fates telling me I need to shut up with the whining and remember the bigger picture. Today I did freak out, just a little, and I called, and left messages. And the more I thought about it (as I sat in snail-paced rush hour traffic), the more I understood that while my initial reason for being upset was important and justified, it was also part of a bigger puzzle and instead of seeing the whole puzzle, I was only isolating one piece, and isolating that one piece, threw the whole thing out of whack. Ah, yes, it's not easy being this brilliant! :)
Ciao!