The true test of a relationship...

...Is somehow hidden somewhere in the process of buying a house. Or in our case, a condo. The fiance and I have been foraying into the world of real estate and even though there isn't a whole lot of actual work involved, it's been exhausting. Emotionally exhausting, that is.

See, I do not always adapt well to change. First year of college? Not pretty. First year on my own in Baltimore? Even worse. It's not that I can't adapt; I always eventually do, but it usually takes me a while. Even when the chages are monumentally positive life changes, like moving in with the fiance, it still takes me a while to fully adjust to the new situation. So you can imagine what a huge, massive, overwhelming, and daunting thought it is to look for and buy a place of our own. Strangely enough, I've been more apprehensive and worried about the commitment of a condo for 3 years than I am about the lifetime commitment the fiance and I are about to make in 14 weeks (oh god, only 14 weeks? Holy crap.....). Besides that, the whole process of the research, looking at places, putting in bids, getting hopes up, waiting for a response....ex. haus.ting.

And the kicker of all of this is that I am totally the non-participant in this venture. The fiance is the one who has done 95% of the research, he is the one putting thought into the bids, he's the one working with the financial guy.....partly because he has more time than I do and mostly because I'm just plain scared by the whole thing.

Let me make it clear--I want us to have a place of our own. Anyone who's read any of my previous posts about our living situation knows how much I dislike living with roommates. It's difficult for me though because while the fiance approaches this whole process with logic, I approach it with feelings. If a neighborhood or condo doesn't "feel" right, I don't want it. And sometimes I have no idea why it doesn't feel right, which I'm sure is just frustrating for everyone. Not to say that a good feeling doesn't have it's place in this whole process, but I do know that I should probably be more willing to look at the logical side of things, as well. Sure, the place with the ridiculous pink living room, and green & yellow bedrooms needs a lot of work, but it is in a condo-tastic area and will most likely make us a pretty hefty profit in 3 years.

I think some of my apprehension stems from my need to feel more settled in my life. Since moving out of my beloved apartment in Baltimore (just before dog/house-sitting for E.), I've been constantly on the move. Even here, living with the fiance, 90% of my stuff is still packed in boxes in the garage. I don't mind buying a "fixer-upper", but there is a very big part of me that just wants to be able to move in and settle right down. I don't want to be bothered with painting and sanding, etc. I want to be home.

And now, at this point in my rant, is when I remind myself that "home" is technically wherever the fiance is. Because, if given a choice between living with him in a state of limbo or living seperately, but I'd be unpacked and settled, I'd always choose living with him. Always.