I am a slacker....

In my defense however, it's been a busy couple of weeks. My calendar tells me there are 26 days left until the wedding. I will not panic, I will not panic, I will not panic, I will not panic....

Actually, I've been fairly calm for the most part, but I have had a few moments where I was this close to freaking out. Mostly because as the day draws closer, there are a million little things that need to get done. Seriously, I had no idea how many tiny, little details go into a wedding. Not to mention there's a lot of other stuff going on in my life, but most of it seems to fall to the wayside with less than a month left before the big day.

Here's what I've been up to since my last post:

1. Studying. On St. Patty's day I take Comps, the exam that is essentially, the culmination of my entire graudate program. I don't pass this, I don't graduate. Sure, I'm allowed to take it again, but that would set me back (way back) in finding a job. I have to pass. No pressure, right?

2. Working--as many hours as is humanly possible. Remember, I'm only part-time, so the income I'm raking in isn't quite as much as it used to be. And since I'm taking off most of the week before the wedding and the entire week after, I need to build up some reserves if I'm going to make it through both March and April.

3. My internship, which has been well, just eh. I like my supervisor, I really enjoy the school, but I'm pretty bored. I can't decide if it's the school I'm in (they just don't have a lot of interaction with the students) or my supervisor, or a lack of assertiveness on my part. It's probably a little of all 3. Admittedly, I haven't exactly said anything along the lines of "Let me try this--I can do it, I have a lot of experience", which I probably should. In truth, while I'm constantly looking at the clock while I'm there, I'm hesitant to get myself into too much responsibility until the wedding is over. Yes, I am a slacker.

4. The wedding. There is a part of me that wants it to be here RIGHT NOW and there's a part of me that will be really sad when it's all over. I suppose that's normal. More than anything though, I'm ready to start referring to the fiance as "the husband". I think I'll be sad because there won't be another time in our lives when all people from various parts of our lives will be together to celebrate with us. That's the funny thing about weddings--they bring together all of these people that never would be together under any other circumstance. Except a funeral maybe. Huh. Weird.

Oh! And how could I forget my 3rd shower! My mom and friends commiserated to throw me yet another surprise shower--during a blizzard. Ok, so they didn't exactly plan that part, but it was still a lovely surprise. I really can't wait to see everyone at the wedding!

5. Maintaining my relationship. The fiance and I have been living together for a year now, but sans roommates for only 2 months. And we've had some adjusting to do. Financially, it's been tricky to handle the mortgage and other household bills. We're ok, but it's tight and with me pulling in a lower income, I also feel immensely guilty that I cannot contribute more. Seriously, it plagues me. We've also had our share of arguments about the condo in general--both financial and otherwise. I will sheepishly admit that when I get stressed, I tend to pick fights. I'm also pretty passive aggressive sometimes. I hate it, and I've made a concerted effort to be aware of it and change it, but sometimes my emotions get the better of me. And I'm stubborn. Oh, and prideful. This is not to say that I am the main cause of our arguments, but I do try to be aware of my role in them. The fiance and I pride ourselves on having pretty darn good communication skills, and I have to admit that they've been tested--numerous times--since we moved in here. I think we're both trying to find ways to make the place "home" while being conscious of what we need from each other and trying to fulfill that. It's a tricky balancing act, especially when you add the wedding and all of our other stressors in there. Overall though, I think we're doing ok.