To the students on campus....

(Disclaimer: I am feeling fiesty today. Therefore, the following post is meant to be a smart-ass commentary. If you find yourself easily offended by this kind of thing, read no further. If you find this humorous, please continue and chuckle at will. Thank you for your cooperation.)

Hello, and welcome. I'm glad you're here, however, I need to point out a few things you seem to be missing. This is a great campus, isn't it? I mean, just flat out pretty, and what better way to enjoy a sunny day than to stroll around this fine piece of land? Unfortunately, many of you seem to be suffering from too much sun because as you're strolling around, you are coming dangerously close to losing your life.

See, this campus has these things called "roads". You may remember them from your former high school life. These things called "cars" drive along these roads. Cars are big, and if you were to run into one, cars can hurt. So, here are some tips to help you navigate around these roads and cars:

• I know that techincally, you do have the right of way, however, there are quite a few of you running around this campus, sometimes in droves, and those of us driving would be forever grateful if you could limit your streetwalking to the crosswalks.
• If this is too difficult, as it seems to be for many of you (something I can't fathom because there are crosswalks just about every 10 yards), I advise you to at the very least, stop and make sure there are no cars about to run you over before you step out onto the street. I have almost plowed over 20 or 30 of you who have neglected to do this and while I realize this would hardly make a dent in the campus population, I'd prefer not to have to tell your parents you perished because you were so intent on finding a specific song on your iPod, you forgot to look up.
• I understand I have some responsibility here as well, and believe me, I do try to keep an eye out for the rogue street crossers that choose to dart out in front of cars, but I do happen to almost miss you, which is highly likely, do not, DO NOT bang your fist on the hood of my car. This is very important: THE CAR IS OFF-LIMITS!!! I know I don't have a super-nice car, but I pay a lot of money for it every month, and I don't want your grubby little hands all over it, capice? Please remember I live in Baltimore and could have someone pop a cap in your behind faster than you can say 'fear the turtle'.
• If you are one of the few who cross in a crosswalk (and I do thank you for that effort), please understand that I may not see you sprinting from 15 yards away to run across the street. The average time at a stop sign, provided there are not street crossers, is about 5 seconds and if you begin your sprint the moment I stop, and are 15 yards away, and run at a pace of 5 feet per second, it will still take you 9 seconds to reach the crosswalk (oh my god, did I just create a math word problem?? Who am I? Feel free to use that on a test, dad). It is safe for you to assume that it would not behoth you to continue your sprint around the front of my moving car. For god's sake, you made it into college so you must have a few brain cells left, unless you burned the rest of them up at last week's beer pong tournament at Kappa Kappa Alpha Psi Phi Delta.

I hope these tips bring us to a greater understanding, for I value your safety and would prefer to work here without a vehicular manslaughter conviction. Together, we can make this a safe campus for both walkers and drivers.

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Wow, do I feel better! Seriously, if anyone thought the students at that nice little liberal arts college in my hometown were bad, they don't even begin to compare to the kamikaze students here!

I cannot tell you how happy I am that it's Friday. I'm looking forward to being able to spend more than a few waking hours in my apartment. I desperately want to unpack and make the place feel like home. There is a part of me, however, that is starting to think I may need to move again before my lease is up. Gas prices are killing me, as I know they are everyone else. Unfortunately for me, I made the dumb decision to commute from Baltimore to work, a good 35 mile drive everyday. Throw in the extra commute to grad school once a week (approx. 60 miles from work, 45 from Baltimore) and the commute to the boyfriend's place (I think it's somewhere around 35) a few times a week and that means I'm filling my tank a minimum of twice per week, at $40+ a pop....ridiculous. I don't want to leave Baltimore, but my hand might be forced on this one. I'm keeping my fingers crossed that the prices will drop within the next few months. Either that, or I really will just get sick of the driving itself. My new plan is to buy Spanish CDs to listen to. Hey, if I'm going to spend 2+ hours in the car everyday, I might as well try to become a more cultured person and learn another language.

Obviously, I don't have much interest in working today, but there are things to be done. Have a good weekend!