This is what happens when you worry too much about other people....

Whew, am I ever torn. This whole wedding things seems to be so much more complicated than it needs to be. Not the marriage part, but the wedding itself. I find myself thinking about it and it makes my head spin because I start to think about too much. If we do this, will so-and-so be hurt? If we do that, will our parents be disappointed? If we choose this place or pick this date, can so-and-so make it? Should we be spending the wedding money on a house? The list of questions is never-ending.

In my head, I know that this wedding is really only about the fiance and me. That's it. But I'm having a hard time separating myself from all of the wedding perceptions that have been drilled into my head since I was a little girl. So while I'm busy trying to consider everyone else's feelings, I'm also struggling not to disappoint myself or worse, I don't want to disappoint the fiance. Really, I just want someone to tell me what to do; to tell me what will make everyone happy, although I know that is not likely to happen. The fiance has said he will be happy with whatever we decide to do, but I can't help feeling like that's added pressure. What if I decide I'd rather do a wedding at home? Will he ultimately wish we had gone the beach route? What if we go away to get married? Will I wish I had kept it more traditional? What if we go traditional and it ends up being boring? Believe me, I know how ridiculous this all sounds, but this is the dialogue that plagues me all the time. Aurgh.

We stopped focusing solely on where we live and I've assigned mom to the task of scouting out locations in my hometown, where everything seems to be significantly cheaper. I really do like the idea of getting married there. There's an outdoor amphitheatre in one of the local parks where we could have the ceremony, and then have the reception at the hotel downtown, which is also within walking distance of all of the bars for the after-party (if there is one). I also like the idea of having a rehearsal BBQ at my parents' the night before the wedding. In my head, it seems to be fairly stress-free.

On the other hand, I can't stop thinking about how gorgeous it would be to get married on the beach in Mexico. The resort I have my eye on has a great wedding package that includes a reception. I can't help but feel guilty for asking family and close friends to shell out money to see us get married, though. And I don't think I'd be happy if we didn't have a party with the rest of our friends and family when we got back, and that probably just wouldn't be in the budget if we went away. I suppose we could have an at-home reception several months later, but still, I just don't know.....

I'm up to my eyeballs in research and I'm fairly certain I can keep either option within our budget, I really just don't want anyone, myself included, to be disappointed. A part of me just wants to run off to Vegas, get this done, and forget the whole wedding thing. Not that's something that's never been part of my wedding plan, but the further I get into it, the more appealing that sounds.....Aurgh.