A Belated, yet Obligatory Thanksgiving Post...

I suppose, for the sake of the holiday and just because it's probably a good thing to do every once in a while (and I'm procrastinating like it's no one's business today), I will make a list of things I'm thankful for this year. Isn't it strange when people say, "this year", like the list drastically changes from year to year, when it really doesn't. Sure, some things may be added or deleted, but for the most part doesn't the list stay the same? In any case, here is my list, in no particular order, and I say this because when I am done, I know I will fight the urge to go back over the list and put certain things closer to the top because the top must mean they're more important. But, that's just time-consuming and quite frankly, overly neurotic so I won't. Anyway.....

*it's only a mere 3 days away from a key Dec. 1st application deadline and I'm not running around like a madwoman trying to process the applications my former student undoubtedly either just turned in today or will turn in on Dec. 1st.

*my family (see? This is one that just never changes. It goes without saying)

*an extended summer/fall (I'm sure winter will come and really bite me in the ass in a few weeks, but for now, I'm enjoying the 60 degree weather outside)

*my new job. For all its ups and downs, my stres level is significantly lower than is was at this time one year ago. Heck, it's lower than it was 5 months ago. Yay for positive changes!

*The Boyfriend--he has added a dimension to my life that really didn't exist before. And the kicker is that things were pretty damn good before he came along. What could be better than someone who truly adds to a life that wasn't really missing anything in the first place? Not to sound too cheesy, but seriously, sometimes I just sit and wonder how on earth I got so lucky.

*my cat, India. I know, she's the cutest damn cat, ever. Not to mention, she's a great cuddler.

*It has taken me a while to come to this, but I am thankful for my new apartment. Not just because it was once J's place, and I think of her every single time I come home (which, of course, just makes me miss my girls like crazy), but because for all of the uprooting and discomfort I complain about, it's mine. I have a home, and a nice one, at that. I have a bed and a couch and shelves and books and even kitchenware. I have more than most and I need to remember that the next time I start whining about something stupid.

*I'm a graduate student! Seriously, I wasn't so sure I'd ever get around to it. And I'm a 4.0 graduate student at that. Wohoo! And for all of you who insist on telling me that a 4.0 is easy to come by in graduate school, I don't care!. A 4.0 is a 4.0, baby!

*My friends. Once again, this is something I just need to sit down and ponder for a while and wonder how the hell I got so lucky. I wish I could make a photo collage of all of my friends from different walks of life (and maybe I can, but I'm way too computer illiterate for that). Instead, I'm posting this one of J&L because it's a picture perfect representation of how I feel when I'm with my friends--any friends.

*My students, both old and new. Yes, even the irritating ones from the course I taught--as much as I hate to admit it, they taught me not to ever get too comfortable with myself because there is always something I can improve upon. My other students, as usual, are a constant reminder of why I choose to do the work that I do. I am slowly, but surely getting to know the students at my new job and they are getting to know me. I was worried for a while that I wouldn't be able to reach them like I could reach my high school students, but I'm starting to see flickers of progress with many of them and they have started to bring me both pride and joy in what they're accomplishing.

This list could go on and on, but my eyes are starting to blur from staring at the computer for too long. I hope all had a wonderful Thanksgiving, and now it's on to the holiday break countdown! Wohoo!

It's hard to get back into the swing of things....

Procrastinating is fun! Who knew I was so misunderstood??

You Are French Food

Snobby yet ubiquitous. People act like they understand you more than they actually do.

What Kind of Food Are You?

Odds and Ends

I just paid $2.11/gallon at the pump this morning. Oh happy day! Rumor has it some stations in Maryland are down to $1.99! I can't even fathom that. I kind of want to drive around and find one just so I can say I paid less than a dollar to fill my gas tank. Yes, I do know driving around to find it would defeat the purpose of saving money.

I was having a conversation with one of my students a few weeks ago about gas prices and I caught myself saying, "I remember gas prices were under $1.00 back when I got my first car". Ok, can you say, getting old?!? Something in the cosmos has definitely shifted if I'm uttering statements like that.

On a completely unrrelated note, I've discovered another time-waster: Zach Braff's (of Scrubs and Garden State fame) blog. It's funny, it's witty, and he gives fantastic music recommendations. I love it.

So, I think I can officially say I did not enjoy teaching a class this semester. I'm really surprised by this. It was really just boring. I'm not sure if it was the students I happened to have or if my teaching abilities are less-than-stellar or the way the class is set up (this is what I actually think it is), but I was so glad to be done with it last week. I was assigned to a section that was mandated to take the course, so I think if I'm invited to teach it again next year, I'll only do it if I can get a section of students that a.) picked the class and b.) does not have stupid business school assignments I'm required to give out. Really, how interesting can it be for a non-business person to lead discussions about current business practices with a bunch of freshman that have yet to take any actual business classes? It doesn't make sense to me, either. I did, however, really enjoy their journals. They were incredibly forthcoming and I got to read entertaining entries like this one:

Perfect example: I've got a friend who's got a 'thing' for a gilr in one of our classes. One day, out of the blue, she introduces herself to my friend as she's saying hello to me. My guy friend uses his intuition side and starts creating a false reality about how he thinks this girl must be really interested, wants to really get to know him, etc. I, on the other hand, use my sensing side and look at the facts: she said hello. Hello doesn't mean secret undying love, now does it? If his fantasy world was really true, then it would reveal itself later, now wouldn't it? Why waste time creating a fantasy world that has little or no chance of possibly coming true when you can just analyze the facts and continue on from there as days progress? I guess some people enjoy wasting time in fantasy land when reality is what really matters.

I can't decide if this girl is just plain funny or if she's been burned one too many times. Either way, her journals make me laugh every single time. I love it.

I made the mistake of agreeing to help a former colleague's son with his college plans tonight. I made the bigger mistake of agreeing to have the meeting at their house waaay up in Reisterstown. My former colleague offered to pay me, and I can't decide what to do about this. One the one hand, I could use the $$. On the other hand, I really just thought I was doing him and his wife a favor and I wouldn't even know how to charge. Maybe I'll just ask him to pay for the gas I'll use to drive there and back to my place. I also think this might be a good stepping stone to possibly, finally, get the ball rolling on a plan I've been mulling over in my head to start a mini-college consulting business of sorts. Hey, I have the knowledge and I have the info. I need, a client base would be the next step, certification, etc....there's a lot involved, but if my colleague can spread the word that I helped him and his son.....who knows. I guess charging $$ wouldn't be the best way to start it out...see? I'm SO not a business person.

Ok, now I'm just procrastinating because it's Thanksgiving week and I was ready for this 4-day weekend about a month ago. I LOVE this time of year. It's all about anticipation and warm fuzzy feelings...and then January comes and it's just the cold and dreary winter. Blah. So, I will savor these few weeks when I actual welcome winter. I'm heading with the boyfriend to his family's house for Thanksgiving day, where I will hopefully meet the two siblings I haven't met, yet. I'll admit I'm a little nervous about this, but I'm so frickin' excited for the meal, I can forego a little nervousness. The boyfriend has lucked out and will not be subjected to meeting my extended family. By the time we get to my parents' on Friday, it'll just be the immediate family he's already met. Not that I think he's nervous about meeting the extended family, I just know how weird it can be to throw in the aunts and uncles and cousins for the first time, especially when he's only met my immediate family once. There's always Christmas, though....:)

Happy Thanksgiving!

One more year of the Roarin' 20s....

Thoughts on turning 29.....

1. I still feel like I should be 24.

2. Apparently, so do a bunch of high school students. During 2 seperate presentations in Bmore last week, I was asked if I was a junior or senior at the University I work for. I'm understanding more and more that I need to relish those comments before it's too late!

3. Sometimes I actually feel much older, like when I can't keep my eyes open at 10:30. I swear, back in the day, I could stay up until 3 a.m. and function perfectly fine on 4 hours of sleep!

4. As scary as it sounds, I actually LIKE getting a good night's sleep.

5. Even scarier, I think I'd PREFER to stay in and veg on a Friday night. And Saturday.

6. I've noticed that I've started comparing prices of things in the grocery store. I could never be bothered with this before, but now, on prinicple, I refuse to pay for the name brand stuff if I can get the same thing for less $$. If that doesn't scream 'ADULT', I don't know what does.

7. Oh wait, this does: I caved in and bought an actual suit for work. I now own clothes that actually need to be dry-cleaned. (I didn't really cave, it was more of an ultimatum from my boss, so couldn't it be considered 'forced adulthood'??)

8. I'm almost 30, so does that mean it's creepy that I watch Laguna Beach on MTV? (no need to actually answer this question)

9. Growing up isn't as scary as I once thought it was. There are parts of it I've really enjoyed and parts of it I'm still looking forward to, but I can't help feeling a sense of nostalgia for my early twenties....

10. 27 was a tough year, 28 was pretty damn good. I have a feeling (or a hope) that 29 will be even better! Wohoo!

And wove, twue wove.....

Name that movie! Anyone?? :)

In high school, college, and probably for a year or two after college, I would have been categorized as a 'hopeless romantic'. Oh, the grand vision I had for my life and the soul mate I'd undoubtedly be sharing it with! If you had asked me if I thought there was one person meant for me, I would have given an unshakable 'yes' as my answer. And there was no doubt that I believed in grand gestures of romance. My expectations for love in my life were high--not that you could tell that from my actual relationships, but in my head, I thought that was what I wanted, what I needed, and what I would ultimately end up with if I was just patient enough.

It's funny how our perspectives change over time. Whether it was experience or maturity, or a combination of both, my views on love and its place in my life have significantly mellowed out. It's not that I don't expect love to include romance or adoration, but my over-the-top daydreams have evolved into a more realistic picture. I must have watched way too much TV and way too many movies growing up, because it took a good long while and a lot of heartache for me to understand that being in love did not mean fireworks 24/7, it did not mean roses and gifts, and big speeches about how much he loved me and how wonderful I am. Sure, these things are part of a good relationship, but they're not the most important parts, not by a longshot.

Eventually, and I don't think I can pinpoint exactly when or what experience acted as the catalyst for this epiphany, but I realized those things didn't hold a candle to unconditional love, security, and comfort. Be careful not to confuse comfort with complacency, because they are very different things.

I don't talk about the boyfriend that often, and quite frankly, I consider that a good thing. I think I tend to talk the most about a person or situation when I'm a little insecure about him/it. Of course I'll talk about him with my family and friends--we did this, we talked about that, we disagreed about this--but never once have I felt the need to defend our relationship to anyone, and I can honestly say my intuition is not sending me 'red flag' warnings (I tend to ignore my gut feeling the most). Ok, so I did freak out a bit when we hit six months and when we shifted from the 'honeymoon' phase to the 'oh, yeah, we're real people with imperfections and this really is hard work' phase. I will admit to those little episodes, but give me a break, I'm a slightly neurotic individual who has a hard time accepting both bad AND good things that happen to me.

Not that I was analyzing why this relationship is just plain different from my past relationships, but I did have a moment a few weeks ago when I, all of a sudden, understood how my perspectives had changed and why the boyfriend had fulfilled those expectations. At the wedding in October, my friends were sharing romantic things their significant others or past SO's had done for them. It was my turn to talk about the most romantic thing the boyfriend had done for me. My answer was that he'd vigorously pursued me from the moment we met at that concert in the Blues Cafe in Jersey. He wasn't arrogant or cocky about it, he wasn't trying to play it cool. To him, it was very simple. I never had to guess whether or not he was really interested in me, he flat-out told me. Several times. As wonderful as all of that was/is, I wondered why I wasn't upset there hadn't been any grand gestures of romance, because according to past relationships, I wanted/needed that kind of thing. But for some reason, I didn't this time. Why?

It's slowly dawned on me that I actually don't need those things, at least not with him. I think the fact that I don't question our relationship, that I don't wonder when or if it'll all end has filled whatever void those former expectations used to leave. He holds my hand in the car, walking down the street or at the movies, he tells me he loves me all the time, we snuggle on the couch, and we fall asleep the same way. We talk about what bothers us, and when we've argued, we make sure to give each other the benefit of the doubt.

I'm sure some, if not all of this should just go without saying, nor do I mean to be mushy or cheesy about how 'perfect' our relationship is because it's not. I could list things we do that bug the crap out of each other, but why? People focus on the bad when the relationship is already on shaky ground and I'd much prefer to focus on the good. This also isn't to say that romantic things aren't good for relationships, or that those who do and appreciate grand gestures are wrong, I just think I've revised my own personal definition of romance. Give me my boyfriend's hand on the small of my back over flowers. Give me an email from my boyfriend about something good that happened to him over love letters, and give me 'I love you' said or whispered at random moments over presents of any kind. Those romantic gestures have come to mean the most to me. And that void I've felt in most other relationships? I haven't felt it yet, and I don't think I will.

It's a good day in my world.....

Not that I don't usually have good days, but this one is particularly good. Why, you may ask? Because Starbucks has started selling their Gingerbread Latte; a seasonal bit of heaven that quadruples my caffeine intake between the months of November-January every single year. A local morning DJ calls it 'liquid crack', and I'd have to agree. Of course, having never tried actual crack, I can't specifically say it's as addictive, but you get the idea. I was so excited, I made myself 20 mintues late for work so I could drive out of my way to pick up a GL. And it was good. No, it doesn't usually take a lot to make me happy.

It's a big weekend, here in the Baltimore/D.C. area, most of it revolving around the boyfriend. Tonight is the annual talent show at the school where he teaches. Now, I saw most of this show at a dress rehearsal earlier this week and I have to admit, it's kind of frightening how good some of these middle school kids are. I for one don't remember anybody in my middle school being able to sing like some of these kids can. Nor do I remember anybody being able to ride a unicycle or belly dance (I kid you not about the belly dancers in the show). It's impressive.

After being a supportive girlfriend tonight, tomorrow we'll celebrate his birthday! Wohoo!!! Since our birthdays are only days apart (mine's next week!) and it's so close to Christmas, and we're on tight budgets, there won't be any big presents, but I will be taking him out to dinner and then we're heading to the opera to see one of his students perform. I don't think I've ever been to see an entire opera, which is weird given my musical background. I'm more excited to see his student, though. That's just cool.

Until next week......

Random Musings...

Last night was the first time since I moved in 2 months ago that I've interacted with my neighbors. My apartment is a hand-me-down from my friend J, who lived there for 3 years before moving to Houston to work on her PhD. I was lucky enough to already know a few of the people on the block, and over the years, there had been quite a few "porch parties" at her place. Last night was the Halloween gathering, thrown by my next door neighbors, whose porch just so happens to connect with mine.

I was having kind of a lonely day yesterday. I don't think there was a particular reason for it, but as I came home from work (late, I might add), I was in one of those moods where if I could have, I would have called K, J or L to just hang out, watch a little tv, drink a glass of wine, etc.--some of the things I miss most about having friends nearby. It was a nice surprise to walk up to my door and find my porch and front yard full of people mingling and handing out Halloween candy to the kids that passed by. It ended being quite the opposite of a lonely evening, as I reqccquainted myself with neighbors I had already met when J lived there, and met some new ones.

My first floor neighbor just moved back to the city after a 3-year hiatus, so we ended up bonding over the fact that we're both in a kind of a friend transition. You know, finding friends is a lot like dating. I had to laugh at myself last night because while we were talking, I was thinking, 'she's pretty cool, we should hang out sometime. Maybe I'll see if she's busy next weekend'. See? Just like dating!

I do feel that I've neglected to ever mention the friends who do remain in Baltimore, mainly E & C, who have been ever so supportive of me and I've actually known them longer than most people I've met in Baltimore. They are mommies, however (and new mommies, at that), which leaves little time for the spontaneous, "hey, let's get together!" phone calls. Understandably so. If I had to choose between caring for my child or randomly running out to waste a few hours watching tv with me, I'd definitely choose the kid.:)

I haven't mentioned work lately, so I'll say that it's been good. Today I took a group of 5 students to volunteer at a soup kitchen and we had a great time! Time permitting, I may consider doing that a couple of times a month. The people volunteering were wonderful, and the people coming to eat were so interesting to talk to. And happy. The students and I had a conversation on the way home about how happy the people eating were. I'm sure some of them had very dire situations to return to, but in that dining room, it was like any other gathering of friends, with lots of hellos, lively conversations, and hugs. There were a couple of students in particular who seemed to get quite a bit out of the experience. One asked me how he could go back on his own. I hope he does.

Time to stop procrastinating and get back to work.....